Chloe, our youngest, started kindergarten today and, although I knew it was coming, I'm still reeling. She had been nervous, but by yesterday her siblings' enthusiasm had rubbed off on her and she said she couldn't wait to start kindergarten. By the time we actually arrived today, it was a different story. The practice at our elementary school is to have the kindergarten children gather in front of the school. Of course, all of us parents were there too, taking pictures and soaking up this last time with our kindergartners before they take this big step. In the middle of all this commotion, Chloe was clinging to Gabe and me. Our efforts to encourage her and get her to notice her classmates were unsuccessful.
When it was time for her class to go into the school, she protested. But then she took a deep breath, turned and walked with the class. She glanced back, though, and that was enough to unleash the tears. She didn't run back to us, but stood where she was, no longer able to move into the building. I didn't know what to do. How many times as a parent will I face this dilemma? Do I do what I really want to do, scoop her up, hug her, and bring her home? Or do I encourage her to take that step that seems so difficult and move away from us and onto the next experience?
I walked over, took her hand, and told her I would take her to her teacher. We caught up, and I traded my child's hand for the school supplies that the teacher was carrying. I got the short end of that stick. Then I waited as the children all went into the classroom. When I thought the coast was clear, I brought the supplies up and put them into the back of the classroom. I had forgotten that the children would still be at their cubbies, putting away their shiny new backpacks. There was Chloe, looking so forlorn. I knew I should turn away before she saw me, but I couldn't without one more look. She saw me there, and for a second, her eyes lit up as if to say, "You realized your mistake, now come and get me!" I forced a smile, blew her a kiss and ducked out of the door.
And then I cried my way home. I heard Alice Walker say once that the process of mothering is a continual distancing of our children from us. I thought of this as I walked through the school today, seeing the faces of all of those kindergartners with their wide, expectant eyes, and a child, new to the school this year, holding back tears among a sea of unknown faces. These children have courage. They must know that they need to do this, to move away and move on. I just hope that I have the courage to support, guide, and love them, so that they can grow into the happy, independent adults that I want them to be.
Of course, I can't let the day go by without a recipe. Here is the bean salad that we made--at Chloe's request--for the kindergarten picnic. The beans are from my Rancho Gordo stash, but black beans could be substituted. This recipe pairs those fantastic summer tomatoes with a classic complement of basil.
Serves 6 as a main course
20 minutes preparation time
1 1/2 to 2 hours cooking time, plus time for cooling
1 pound dried Moro beans (black beans are a reasonable substitute)
1 sprig thyme
1 sprig sage
2 teaspoons salt, divided
2 cloves garlic, minced
3 tablespoons red wine vinegar
zest and juice of 1 lemon
a few grinds of pepper
1/4 cup olive oil
3 large tomatoes
10-15 basil leaves, torn
Rinse the beans, put them in a pot with the thyme, sage, and 1 teaspoon of salt, and cover them generously with water. Bring them to a boil and simmer until they are tender, 1 1/2 to 2 hours.
Meanwhile, make the dressing. In a small bowl, whisk together the garlic, vinegar, lemon zest and juice, remaining teaspoon of salt, and pepper. Slowly whisk in the olive oil so that it emulsifies. Set aside.
Dice the tomatoes and, if they are very watery, pour them into a colander set over a large bowl and let them drain while the beans cook. Reserve the liquid for another purpose such as soup stock.
When the beans are tender, drain them, pour them into a large bowl, and toss them with the vinaigrette. Let them cool to room temperature. Add the tomatoes and basil and toss gently. Serve at room temperature.
ok, this time YOU made me cry...i'm going to be a mess next year...
Posted by: Chronicles of Momnia | September 02, 2009 at 09:15 PM
Enjoy your days with M while you have them. It passes too quickly. Chloe is doing much better, already making friends and learning new things. I'll adjust, too, I know.
Posted by: Margy | September 08, 2009 at 10:02 AM
...and then there were tears, Wow....mine are 22 and 23 and this still makes me cry. Every day is a gift, enjoy!
Posted by: Nancy | April 22, 2010 at 12:10 PM